Tuesday, March 9, 2010

me and a tree


so, i was out on a walk on the last day of my mountainous retreat, when i came across a log, completely and utterly covered in carved initials.
neato burrito!
of course, i had to take a look and see what was on there. lots of hearts, a+b, c+d etc. etc.
but then, then i come across this little gem.
it says, simply, ME.
now, perhaps this just means molly loves edward or mel loves ellie, or something like that... i mean, that would make sense.
in my funny little imaginary landscape, however, i saw someone go up there, look at all that love and think, "well, i don't have a special initial or a plus sign to put on there, but i've really been working hard to be a good person and i like the way i've turned out. so,"-take out a handy swiss army knife, "i'm going to,"-digging into the old wood, "(jeepers, etching is hard) celebrate that," - more scratching, "by doing this."
ME

i'm trying to be kinder to myself.
i think it's a good lesson to learn.
while it is important to stretch, to grow, to learn and to make mistakes... falling on your face every now and then isn't the worst thing, even though it hurts and is pretty darn embarrassing... especially if you're on roller skates and your pants split... not that that's ever happened to me... ahem...  it's also natural to want love, to wish for it, to yearn for that plus sign and that other initial... but don't forget about Molly and Edward. they should be the first carving on any tree, and if you try to make them happy, you might not be so worried about finding someone else...  don't worry, i'm sure if you want to add another initial on there, whoever it is won't mind. and if that person does mind, perhaps they don't deserve to get their initial carved on there next to yours anyway. it's really not as easy as it looks.

a x





 

56 comments:

  1. wow this resounds so profoundly with where Im at right now in the way my funny little imagination landscape is interacting with the world, that its not even funny lol...(but i still put lol haha)

    - Cory

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  2. I always get excited when you post a new blog, Ali. I cherish everything you have to say; you're a very inspiring person to me.

    Much love to you from your No.1 Australian fan, Janie
    xxox

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  3. it is true, about loving ourselves, being at peace with who we are, and yet at the same time striving to grow as we seek to find the treasures in life, sometimes hidden, sometimes in plain sight. it isn't in the finding of another person to share life with that fulfills our deepest longings, yet a relationship can be a beautiful thing when two people come together who are at peace with themselves, not trying to find it from the other person.

    i myself am content with who i am, as i've taken time over the past 2 years to learn and grow on my own. and sure, there is a natural feeling of wanting to share this journey with a woman who understands me, and my hope and prayer is that our hearts will come together. and even though i write about my desire of sharing life in a relationship, i think it's only an outflow of the love i feel i have, from God, myself, my friends and family. and i love art. i love expression, to be able to express my heart, not in a showy fashion, nothing fake, just connecting with people as best as i know how, trying to make a real heart connection.

    this is something i feel you understand well, and i believe you'll continue to do so, whether you choose to be a ME, or if you decide to add that plus sign accompanied by an initial, from someone i hope will see and love the beauty of who you truly are, and will never allow the carvings to fade.

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  4. Hi Alison.
    Is the first time i'm here in your blog and i found it truly inspiring.
    I just loved the meaning of the "ME" you found it ... i probably would think the same.
    Your way of being in the world and the way your heart looks is guiding you through the world looks beautiful and naif in a good way.

    Much love from Portugal, one simply fan,
    João Alves

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  5. Nothing to add at Don’s post… maybe this: miraculousness has a name, Ali..... and maybe this: some tweets hurt.... now i’ll put away my handy swiss army knife.

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  6. Em cada cantinho do mundo existe uma historia, e quase sempre Historia de Amor, as vezes amor perdido, Na Maioria das vezes um amor escondido, as vezes um amor proibido, outras vezes contido pelo segredo, mas sempre o amor prevalece, Amor e sexo vida.

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  7. 'its good to have someone in your life, its okay to be content by yourself. you have to be a You first before you can be a We'- i think thats the best advice my mom gave me.

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  8. This totally suits/matches with what I've been going through for the last 2 years. Love the way you write btw!

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  9. As a newly single person who's just re-learning what she wants and who she really is, this really resonated. Very sweet and inspiring.

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  10. Oh I love this! What a wonderful perspective.

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  12. Alison: I think you've found a new song! Perhaps. But your lesson is cute, and I adore when you said, "neato burrito!" New favorite thing EVER! I pray you are well, and wisconsin hopes to see you soon..? =] Love love love

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  13. Alison, I want to be the initial after the + next to your name.... XD

    Jk, but seriously...

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  14. please, guys!

    don't do that, it hurts the tree!!
    You wouldn't like that someone take a knife and cut you!!

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  15. This is one of the most beautiful and inspiring blog posts I ever read!
    I think that "ME" means me and not (for example) "mel loves ellie"
    I think there are lots of people that could have wrote that "me"... I'm one of them!
    This post made me feel lonely and sad xD I don't know why...

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  16. You have a charming perspective, Alison! But I'm pretty sure that's a dash between the M and the E.

    Beautiful, nonetheless~

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  17. Had the tree fallen or was it felled?


    And to all of you...

    If you were the first person to come across this tree/log and rest upon or against it, alone, would you have thought to leave your mark?

    Indeed, if there were no mark for you to see, were you the first to rest by this tree...

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  18. It's interesting to think that many of those sweet little carvings have probably outlasted the relationships that inspired them.

    Which either says something depressing about love or something wonderful about art... well, both. Lots of trial and error and faithful leaps required in both.

    Your ideas and prose are both very clear in this. Great post.

    I've been struggling with my own prose: I want to help musicians push their comfort zones AND help them develop some positive inner dialogue about the nature of mistakes and the creative process. If you get a chance, please do take a peek and let me know how I'm doing!

    www.nicholastozier.com/words

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  19. *about artistic gestures, I meant. The carvings being that. Sorry 'bout that.

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  20. Thank you Ali, I can't explain how but this makes me cry (happily, of course). I feel like I've left Molly and Edward alone in the dust for too long, and forgot how much I loved and appreciated them.

    Never stop being yourself, darling, the world needs you. :) Thank you for your words.

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  21. i've often associated with trees in my writing over the years, it just seems to have stuck with me for some reason. i find hope in the growth and renewal process, and one day in the beginning of spring, in the early 90's in michigan, i saw a red cardinal in a tree fully destitute of leaves, just bare bone branches, waiting for life to begin again. this was very beautiful, to see the contrast of the red, representing life and love, with the seemingly dead branches. i walked home and wrote a few short lines about it, appropriately titled, beautiful mysterious red cardinals in the spring.

    i've tried writing thoughts since then, hopefully finding a way to jumble words together well enough to portray a story of what's going on in my head. this also led to a love of music, and trying to express myself creatively through it, but years later, and some heartbreaking experiences, have led me to a place where it seems i've been reflecting on where all of this is going. and now, with the new birth of spring, life seems to be poking through the ground again, in a way that surprises me, yet with a hope that is fully alive.

    this feeling i have seems similar to what i hear when listening to come on, come out, especially when driving around the coast of lake michigan, which is what i've been doing a lot of recently. there are so many beautiful places around here, both nature, and in small towns that feel so welcoming. i grew up close by, and my family still resides here, which is why i'm here, even though i currently find myself in a place of transition, though, what i believe is one of a new beginning. so, i've been searching for the steps to take, including where to live, and i believe things are getting clearer.

    so, with that said, i want to thank you, particularly for this one song. it just makes me happy, and i find a lot of hope in it. it seems to perfectly fit with this time in my life, as i watch spring unfold and life sprout wings. this has led to writing a lot about this very thing, so i'll simply end with a poem written today titled tree. it speaks of green leaves, possibly inspired by the dancing leaves green tea i drank before writing it, which was good, but at the same time appropriate for the day, being st. patrick's day. i hope it's a blessed day for anyone who happens to find themselves here in the world of frenzyland. i'm actually writing from the small town of zeeland, mi, and it seems i see a lot of coincidences like this happening lately. maybe it's just me, discovering the wonderful freedom of significance, as i open my eyes to the puzzle pieces of life. i hope and pray we all see them clearly.

    tree

    i see your eyes changing color
    what was once a shade of brown
    now singing green
    and i think i woke up
    in the middle of a dream
    when someone came in and turned the lights on
    so i rubbed my eyes to find
    my mind in a thought shower
    and i went to find a quiet place
    to learn to read, one page at a time
    yet now discovering, it's okay to wonder
    and to dare to dream, what my eyes will see
    in the next chapter
    the mystery of this adventure
    that began as a ball of string
    carefully unraveling
    revealing things cleverly concealed
    in perfect preparation
    and it's been my only occupation
    to seek and find things written
    long before i was conceived
    so now, from what i can tell
    the sun and i, eye to eye
    everything feels warmer
    the rays must be out to play
    and i think it's time to climb this tree
    from once when seeds were all but dead
    i'm finding only green leaves
    my skin evergreen
    i am a tree

    donroseonaski 3-17-10

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  22. what i can say about some of the writing i've done in the past is that it appears to be like dots connecting in the present, and some of the pictures forming look very beautiful. things have been happening, for the first time in a long while, that just seem to click, or fit together, kind of like pieces of a puzzle. my heart cry for some time has been to see things clearly, which is what i wrote on valentine's day of 2009.

    sun 2-14-09
    i want to see clear
    the amazement of things around the corner
    hope is walking and the wind is carrying
    me to a place where daylight is breaking
    welcoming the entrance

    and there seemed a string of things unraveling over the next few days and months, some with recurring themes.

    slate 2-22-09
    but what of those moments when all seems right
    when love writes its answers
    and life feels alive
    when puzzle pieces fit so perfectly
    and new beginnings birth the possibility
    of unexpected destiny
    dancing and splashing around in puddles of laughter

    seek 2-24-09
    what is beyond your eyes
    the treasures hidden deeper than a beautiful smile
    can we seek to find?
    there are rainbows painted across the sky
    would you like to fly?
    just take my hand and we’ll give it a try
    paintbrushes telling a story of the wonders we’ll find

    envelopes 6-4-09
    lick and seal, open to reveal
    secrets written on trees
    rolled up like a wheel
    cut into shapes
    folded to conceal
    for hands to hold
    eyes to read
    hearts to feel
    the simplicity and complexity of love
    written as a tale
    painted across the sky

    buried 7-22-09
    i’ve buried my heart like a treasure
    at the bottom of the ocean
    a seed to become something new
    and all I want to do
    is to swim the depths of the ocean with you
    i just want to love
    and swim the depths of the ocean with you
    it’s so dark, yet the light is beginning to shine through

    door 9-9-09
    just watching your smile and my heart shoots like a star, burning embers blowing kisses through the air. lighting up our world and opening the door, to dream again fully awake, and love with a heart you promise not to break.

    obscure 12-28-09
    we’ve waited a long time
    constantly looking around the corner
    to find a love that can’t be purchased
    with silver or gold
    so we search for clues
    to see if it all adds up
    hoping to find ourselves
    walking through open doors
    at the right place, right on time
    then the obscure will become clear
    we’ll see face to face
    and stare into the future
    of this story together

    red 1-4-10
    so many beautiful things are invisible
    yet within reach
    when the time is right
    and the season is perfect
    it’s just hard to tell sometimes
    when this love story will reveal
    the things that help us see
    the mystery of the invisible made real
    for when the door is opened
    everything will be seen
    for what it truly is
    then waiting will be satisfied
    patience will smile
    and red cardinals will paint dead trees
    alive once again

    and, finally, on valentine's day of this year:

    find 2-14-10
    with caffeinated eyes glued to the future
    isn’t it clear what’s in store?
    there’s a whole world of rhythm
    at our fingertips, living to be explored
    so walk with me now, from here on out
    we’ll try to answer a few questions
    the ones left dangling on our minds
    when we fell asleep… in dreams
    now it’s time… to rise and shine
    to fall… in love with life again
    and I promise that I’m going to kiss you
    when I find you

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  23. yes, the recurring theme with the above writings is romantic, yet not specifically directed toward a woman i know. it all just seems to be things flowing from my heart for the one i hope to find. and i believe in destiny. i believe in meant to be. i believe there are things we can hope and pray for, and they will happen. no, not just wishing for whatever our heart desires, but, rather, for what's right for us, things planned for our lives. so, that's where my heart is coming from in all of this, but it's not all i write about, or think about. but i do keep the hope of what's to come alive on the inside.

    and the reason i'm sharing all of this is that i want you to read the words coming from my heart, and if you see something within the framework of the picture i'm trying to paint, maybe our hearts could begin painting together, and we could complete this masterpiece side by side, and eye to eye. i see something very special in you, something i know is priceless treasure, and i would love to begin an adventure with you, seeking the treasures of life that were perfectly hidden, just for us to find. so, dear alison, this is my heart to yours, and hopefully, your heart to mine.

    don

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  24. “Honit soit qui mal y pense!” My unimportant opinion on this is: wouldn’t it be fantastic to melt together the skills of these two wonderful artists in one and the same book? The main parts are already written....! It would be an utmost lovable compilation of the very charming and so sweetly told fairy tales by Ali and these outstanding honestly felt and written poems by Don.... i would be the first to ask for a hand signed copy of it, believe me.

    Should there – maybe and who knows? – later on grow more out of this seed, i would hold your hands together as witness, would thank my angels and pray to the heavenly forces for that this beautiful gift may last for ever. But, such decisions cannot be forced, Don, they are held on heavens carpet floors, and – as always – it requires TWO loving hearts. Believe me, when bigger plans on this exists, they will come true. If not, it is also okay and you have to be grateful having crossed paths once in your lifetime with such a georgeous woman that could open your mind and your heart and who’s allowing you to see all the glories that we receive daily and with humbleness. Ali’s giving and sharing with us all what she has, and this is not only a few, but quite a lot...

    For ME, the whole experience i’ve lived to see troughout the last few weeks, is an absolutely and unbelievable story that only real life can tell. Nobody should lough about. I love it with my whole heart, and i hope it will go on. My thoughts are with you, Ali, every day, and also with you, Don, because i know you both are extraordinary people. I don’t have to mention that i both would love to meet personally, one day. Bee Bosnak from Bloomingdale’s wrote me: “dreams should and will come true if you believe in them, if you believe in yourself” Who right she is.....
    Embracing you both, with love, Andy

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  25. all i can say is what my heart reveals, and the words i found there this night are true.

    canvas

    the sky is alive with billions of eyes of expectation
    an explosion of thought
    my mind drowning in the ocean at the end of your fingertips
    and i feel overwhelmed, right now
    it seems i may jump, right out of my skin
    yet for the bond of love, i'm held in
    so now, you see, this is just me
    my heart overflowing
    and it may seem crazy, just the thought
    but this story reminds me of another
    and if this could be, even a slight reflection
    of that beauty, i would know the very heart of God
    because all i feel, right now, is the warmth of his sun
    shining on the inside of my eyes
    and what i see in there, is something hard to describe
    in mere words, so i try
    and if you can take the ink off the page
    turn it into the touch of your cheek to mine
    this picture will become a true love story
    a masterpiece on canvas hearts, forever alive

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  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  27. there are many lovesongs that birds have sung to each other, unique harmonic melodies, filling trees with music. among the songs that have been written, i find one most beautiful, one that i hear in my heart alone, simply words on pages, yet the melody i hear in its silence is only understood through the eyes of true love. this is a song of songs, and simply what i know is my heartsong, the song of solomon...


    i am the rose of sharon, and the lily of the valleys.

    the beloved
    like a lily among thorns, so is my love among the daughters.

    the shulamite
    like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons. i sat down in his shade with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.

    the shulamite to the daughters of jerusalem
    he brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for i am lovesick.

    his left is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. i charge you, o daughters of jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

    the shulamite
    the voice of my beloved! behold, he comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills. my beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. behold, he stands behind our wall; he is looking through the windows, gazing through the lattice.

    my beloved spoke, and said to me:
    rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. for lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

    the fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away!

    o my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.

    song of solomon 2:1-14

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  28. it seems the beginning of spring is now singing, so sitting here tonight at redolencia coffeehouse in ludington, mi, i allowed a few words to rest on a branch in my mind. i think in a simple way, the words explain my heart, so i offer them to you, as a song sung over you, hopefully being words shaped like a melody that can be heard all through the sky.

    branch

    i know it may be strange, a little awkward, dear
    to think of the possibility of love
    flying around in these invisible skies
    yet, i believe, if you're listening to the gentle whisper
    of my wings brushing against your cheeks
    your ears will hear the song of the night sky
    sparkling brilliance, a million miles of laughter
    shining through our hearts
    yet, you may still wonder, why
    why do i fly so close to your tree
    and what is this song i sing
    well, it's new to me, this melody
    i'm learning as i sing, the song alive in me
    it's music i hear when i see
    the beauty of who you truly are
    and who you're meant to be
    so please listen with eyes wide open
    and i think you'll see the song that is all of me
    and now, resting gently on this branch i found
    i'll listen for your voice, calling back from the sea
    with the stars my company, together we'll sing
    all through the night, wondering if the moonlight
    will be crowned with a beautiful sunrise

    donroseonaski 3-21-10

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  29. hi ali, it's a beautiful sunday here in grand rapids, mi. we actually had a little snow yesterday, but it's gone today and the sun is shining, nice 2nd day of spring! kind of strange though, since it's warmer here than in tulsa, where i was living from august 2000-october 2009. i'm at wired espresso bar, about 2 blocks from the house i lived in when i was born here in grand rapids. we only lived there a short while until moving to rockford, but it's interesting to visit again.

    i just want to say what i've been doing here is to simply try and paint a picture for you of my heart, a picture of love i'll call it, or a story, maybe even the beginning of a book. it may be kind of strange doing this publicly, although, maybe, possibly, it's all for a reason. so i hope you see this as me trying to share my heart with a person who, for some reason, i feel connected to.

    and i want to say that i do enjoy your music, very much, yet this is not some kind of crazy fan thing. i'm not that way about any person, although i deeply respect the art that people create. i want to share art with people myself, and i'd love to be able to touch people in that way, but i wouldn't want their focus on me, although maybe it's inevitable to some point, but rather, i want their focus on the picture, or story, that the art is portraying. and this is something i feel you relate to personally, and i truly repect that.

    so, this is me, just me, trying to relate to you. i see something in you that i feel seems to fit very well, maybe even perfectly, with me. are our lives like puzzle pieces that were meant to fit together? is there really such a thing as meant to be? well, i'd love to find that out. i think both of us have been through a few hurtful relationships in the past, yet we probably have learned things along the way. i am a little older than you, about 10 years, although i don't recall that ever being a problem with abraham and sarah. but seriously, my heart in this is nothing but pure. and i see a beautiful heart in you that i know would be something i would treasure.

    finding you came as a very pleasant surprise, and i have to say i've seen various circumstances take place since valentine's day that have more than amazed me. there are things i'd love to share with you, which is your decision of course, but one i hope is made after seeing clearly the picture i'm trying to paint for you. what i can say, though, is to please take the time to explore what is here... the words i've written, the pictures, the tweets. maybe what you find will be treasure to your heart, as i think i found in you. treasure hunting in life is fun, but with you, dear, i think it would be a lifelong adventure that we could walk together, hand in hand, and heart to heart.

    maybe all of this is for a reason. maybe you starting your blog again with the topic of books the day after me writing a poem titled book is for a reason. maybe i've been writing about you for years without ever first seeing your face, or even knowing who you are. do you believe that's possible? do you believe life is more than what's seen on the surface? that some things are meant to be, if we take the time and open our eyes to see how puzzle pieces are supposed to fit? i believe, and what i see in your eyes is someone who dares to believe as well.

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  30. so this has been my adventure over the past 33 days since i found you on lala on february 16th. i thank rachel f. for deciding to follow me, and for some reason i decided to take a look at her musical interests, finding a beautiful picture of a girl in a bright yellow shirt and gorgeous red hair. i then found you on twitter and started my adventure with a simple comment on your yellow valentine's day heart cookies... lovely sweet-hearts alison. at that time i didn't realize i'd be venturing off to various coffeehouses around the west coast of lake michigan, writing poetry and other thoughts, then trying to communicate with you on your adventures in frenzyland blog.

    i was writing poetry before all of this and posting it on facebook and myspace, but then decided to start a blog, right here on blogspot, called donzthoughts, shortly before you started writing on your blog again. i find it amazing in the first post that you mention a treehouse club. treehouses have been something stuck in my mind for so long, and i don't even know why, but maybe now i do. actually, trees in general have been something i often write about, so it's just something in me i guess. and now i sit, trying my best to use my fingertips as paintbrushes, painting away for you. i hope the picture is something you find as beautiful. and i hope it's a picture you can see yourself painting as well.

    so, miss alison sudol, this is an invitation into my world, into my heart. please open the treasure chest i set before you and explore with the beauty of a child's heart, yet with the passion of one who seeks to find a love that will never fade away, one where you can be happier and never have to ask me to go on, but rather stay. i believe in my heart that we can find true love, and write our own story together to show the world that fairy tales are very real.

    if you think seeking treasure with me is something you'd like to do, please open your heart and let me in. then we can both beckon to the call to come on, come out, to a place where life and love is lived out loud. we're not so far apart, you and i, not when our hearts see the same sun and stars. i'm here, life seems to be taking the shape of a new beginning, a blank slate. and that's what today is, being 3-21. it reminds me of a verse of the same:

    count yourself lucky, how happy you must be— you get a fresh start, your slate's wiped clean. psalm 32:1 (the message)

    and now, i think you see enough of the picture of my heart to know that it's true. i'd love to meet face to face, if it's something you see is right, something you know in your heart you'd like to pursue. i know i've found priceless treasure, yet the decision is fully yours with whom to share that treasure with. all i know is what i believe in my heart, what i think i see clearly with the hope in my eyes. my prayer is that you see, not just based on my hope, but on what you feel is truly meant to be. and so, my heart still seeks...

    what is beyond your eyes
    the treasures hidden deeper than a beautiful smile
    can we seek to find?
    there are rainbows painted across the sky
    would you like to fly?
    just take my hand and we’ll give it a try
    paintbrushes telling a story of the wonders we’ll find

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  31. maybe this best sums up my thoughts, and exposes the inside of my heart, where i think i'd love to live with you.

    face

    i got a few scrapes trying to learn balance
    but what of the pain, when exchanged
    for the joy of pedaling freedom
    and what it took to learn seems so easy now
    yet a child's eyes see everything much bigger
    than what appears to one grown-up
    who through years and years
    finds it all too easy to see through fears
    rather than explore the adventure of life's passion
    of love, and finding things bigger
    than sensed with mere reason
    for the invisible things keep singing
    in every raindrop, the clouds are laughing
    skipping across mountains, not afraid of anything

    so, my sweet dear, if you see what i mean
    and what my heart is saying
    you'll see the joy again, a bit lost in transition
    and please forgive me, i've even shed some tears
    but lately i can admit, those have been because
    smiles overtake my eyes, without even asking
    and i love what i'm seeing, feels like heaven shining
    like it always does, up there
    but when that light makes its way through
    there's not much else to do, but simply say, okay
    i'm not afraid to love, eternally
    it's something i've always had in mind
    and finding treasure like this
    believe me, that's something where words escape
    for my breath was already taken away
    with just the thought of seeing your face

    donroseonaski 3-24-10

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  32. Don, this all is wonderful poetry and writing and i’m convinced that Ali has read it. But – if you really love, try to concentrate not only on one person, even she’s a most adorable one. Try to let participate all and everything that’s around you. Include into your prayers and thoughts not only one single person, try to do so for all persons you know, but also for thouse you don’t, for all creature alive. Alle creature is bearing the omnipresent and eternal love that we receive daily and that we should share with others daily. Have a look at the tree first, and then look to heaven.

    What you see beyond Alison’s outward appearance and what’s making out her attraction on you, on me and her fans, is exactly that. Loving birds, loving trees, loving fine arts, loving music, loving poems, loving writing, it’s all loving, loving and loving again. I’ve put some words on twitter that have drained in from my brain into my fingertips this morning: I wonder where she's taking all that love from. I think some people would call it blessed.

    I can assure you that i am just an ordinary man, maybe with a little bit more experience than you (and sorry, as you too, Alison), but i am in no way some sort of crusader or messiah or something like that. The last time i’ve seen a church from inside was on the wedding of a godchild of mine, last summer. Maybe for this reason, my angels sometimes don’t listen to my orders, or only with delay? Now, i’m just trying to see the world how she really is, full of miracles for those who can see and hear and for those who have luckily kept the capability to see things trough children’s eyes.

    Don’t be sad or angry if Ali does not correspond with you openly. I know that you can read between the lines, and Ali is often sending hidden signs. Her tweets, her writings, her songs are full of miracles and treasures. Listen to them and enjoy, you’ll be happier.... The wall built up around her is a necessary protection to keep privacy and personal integrity. I had years ago detected and lead up a singer (Kisha), who became later on a star, even playing in Berlin in front of a one million crowd on new years concert at the Brandenburg gate. I was her first manager for several years and i therefore know very well how such things have to work. So, what i mean, this is not personally against you, dear Don. I think you should move the montains and go to the Largo. I’m sure it’s gona be fun for you, as well as for Ali and the guys. I won’t be there, but some less priviledged will follow the act for me, and that makes me happy.

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  33. i do sincerely care about you ali, and that means i care about the feelings you have about my approach. you're rightly cautious, and like i said previously, what i'm trying my best to do is to paint you a clear picture of my heart, to show you what's inside, for you to see if you think we're compatible with each other. i honesty believe we are.

    we see a lot of wrong in the world, a lot of heartbreaking things happen often, yet there's always hope, at least there should be. and i think that's an important attitude to have. both of us dealt with the divorce of our parents at a young age, and that's a difficult thing, especially with moving around a lot, as we both did. but what i've learned is that true love is a bond, a committment, a covenant between two people, and it shouldn't be broken.

    when people are around each other a lot, the temptation is to lose respect for each other, and when that happens, relationships begin to deteriorate. this occurs all too often, and it just shouldn't be. i told you before that i believe in meant to be relationships. personally, i've been trusting for that very thing, and what's happened since valentine's day is something that amazes me, but i'm not trying to impose anything upon you, or to make you think how i do. that's up to your heart to seek, and i want you to be comfortable with what you find.

    but i do believe something amazing is happening, and from what i know about you, i think we seem to fit very well. you're a sweet, caring woman, and i adore that. i don't know about your past relationships, and i'm sorry for what heartache they produced, but what i can say to you is that my heart is willing to respect yours, passionately. i've tried to show you that in writing, and i believe my heart was reflected through the words in honesty. as i seek to know what's right, all i'm finding is that this is the right direction, so what i'd love for that to lead to is for us to meet face to face. i truly hope you feel the same.

    what my heart is saying is that i need to be in LA to see you play at the largo on april 7, and to meet you there. i don't have all the details worked out yet, but something inside feels it's supposed to happen, if that makes sense to you. so that's why i'm sharing it now. and please try to understand my heart in all of this. i'm simply wanting what's right for both of us. my heart is very real, as well as my love. and yes, i do want to share that with you. it is what feels right to me. and i know people might think all of this as uncommon, maybe strange, but i see it a bit differently, as it seems to reflect a love story very dear to my heart. if you're able to see the same, i know sharing our lives together would paint a beautiful picture of love that would blend perfectly into the tapestry of eternity.

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  34. Dear Alison,
    WHY ARE YOU AMAZING? Your music is such an inspiration to me. I wish I could see you live, but I've never had the chance to go to any of your shows. I'm currently listening to "Elements" and your voice is just enchanting in every little way. Please make a new album quick, I'm begging for more! :]

    Your fan,
    Jada

    www.teenvegetariansoul.blogspot.com

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  35. hi ali, with my latest blog entry, new clothes, i think my heart is made known, probably quite well. if you'd like to share anything privately, please email me at droza73@gmail.com

    obviously, i'd like to meet you sometime soon, and i'd love to do that at the coronet theatre in april, if that's something you're interested in. i'm planning to drive to LA from michigan, whew, long drive! but that's what i'm thinking and i have to figure everything out as far as where to stay, etc. actually, this will be my first time in LA, so i hope i can find my way around! and maybe it should be my new home anyway, which is one of the reasons i want to drive.

    so, with everything i shared, just know, it is my heart for you, and yes, i'd love you to be mine, and i yours. how would i know this, and we've never met? maybe what i wrote says it best...

    but i know what i see here, is something i think we've waited for
    it's the song painted alive in me, beyond the veil of touch
    simply felt, deep inside, like i found something i lost
    and that's hard to explain, but what it isn't, is crazy
    rare maybe, like a fairy-tale story
    but i didn't write this one, it just kind of came to be
    so then, as this story unfolds
    feels like getting new clothes
    and i'm wondering if you're willing to be mine
    cause i know i'm willing to be yours

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  36. please know ali, as i said before, i'd never try to impose anything upon you as i've tried to share what's in me. it is real, everything i shared, it's simply who i am. just me. and you are a treasure. i know that with all of my heart, but everything you do is your decision. i think you've sought your own heart, and i'm happy that i opened up and shared what i feel with you. you do seem to be someone who would be perfect for me. i think we see world with very much the same eyes, and we're both caring and affectionate people. but please, please know i have a lot of respect for who you are.

    what i hope is that i've been able to touch your heart in a way that allows you to see someone who is compatible with you. i think it's okay that i shared everything with you, and it's okay however you feel about it. that doesn't change my respect for you, so please know that. and i'd never, in any way, want you to feel even the slightest bit threatened by me. i think through my writing you see who i really am, and i really don't think that would be an issue, as it shouldn't. but anyway, i just wanted you to be sure.

    personally, i think finding you on lala and everything that took place here is for a reason. maybe you see that too, which is kind of a recurring theme in my poetry. yesterday, i looked up a fine frenzy within the text of a mid summer night's dream, just to see the reference that you took it from. i was actually kind of amazed by it, and maybe you know what i mean...

    the poet's eye, in fine frenzy rolling,
    doth glance from heaven to earth, from earth to heaven;
    and as imagination bodies forth
    the forms of things unknown, the poet's pen
    turns them to shapes and gives to airy nothing
    a local habitation and a name.

    this surprised me to see that it sounds so similar to what i've been trying to do. i'm not saying this has to mean anything to you, but it was something i found as interesting. and please understand, i've been very careful, maybe as much as i know how, as i've shared. some of the poetry seemed to flow out, like it just poured out of somewhere deep inside of me. i think you know what i mean by this, since we're both artists and i know we can relate in that way. it's unique though, because i notice that i'm writing in a way that's different than anything before. and although i do want to be with you, please know this is something that has never happened with me before. it really seems to be something unfolding, rather than trying to force anything, if you can understand that.

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  37. in being cautious, please know, my heart is definitely in the right place. i'm taking steps, but not before seeking, praying, and just believing it's the right thing. so, whatever you think of me, all i can say is that it's real. it's the real me. and that's all i can be. i've not had many relationships, mostly because i was married very young and for a period of 13 years. we were young, a relationship that basically began with physical things, and that was that. i don't think either one of us thought it was something meant to be, but we stayed together anyway.

    we lived in michigan first, then moved to tulsa in 2000. we were separated in 2004 for awhile, and she admitted to having an affair. so i was on my own for a period of time, but then moved back with her for about a year. she decided to be with someone else, whom she's still with today, and i ended up moving to michigan for a year, then back to tulsa for about 10 months, and now back in michigan. i grew up here and my family is here, so i've been staying with my sister since november. i've had about 2 years alone, basically a time of healing, and now moving on with life. so now, i'm 36, and like i said, kind of starting over again, a blank slate. i want to see green leaves in my life again. i was down in the dirt long enough, maybe allowing my heart to die as a seed in the ground, or at the bottom of the ocean, as i wrote in one of my poems.

    but seeds don't stay dormant forever. there has to be a point where life sprouts up again, flourishing in the light of the sun, and bathing in the fresh spring rain. and we're at that point now in our seasons, which also seems applicable to my life. when i found you and started learning more about you, something came alive in me, and it's different. i say that because i've honestly never felt this way before, and maybe you can relate to this, i don't know, but it's simply what i feel inside. so what i've been doing here on the blog, and on twitter, is to try my best for you to see the real me. i'm a very sweet person. i just honestly care about people, but never in an obsessed way, so don't think that. it's just that i want to somehow see people happy, and if it's possible, to offer some kind of hope as we walk through whatever storms life throws at us. and we all face them. every relationship faces them. it all depends on our view of the storm, and if we're willing to fight it out together, rather than against the ones we love.

    i hope all of this makes sense to you. it's the only way i've been able to share my life and heart with you, so i hope it's okay with you that i did so. you know my heart for you, and i'm glad you do. maybe this is meant to be. like some kind of fairy-tale story, or a dream coming to life. i think we can make it that, if we're both willing. you know my heart is willing, and it's laid bare for you here to see and hopefully trust as well. and that's a promise, you can trust me. just please read through everything i've shared and if you see in your heart something you want, something you think is meant to be, then let me know. i certainly trust you'll find what's best for you.

    i'm willing to love you, and i promise that love will be true, and it won't fade. i think you're someone who would offer the same to me, so my heart to you is simply asking for you to come on, come out with me. let's dream together and we won't have to leave, not if our hearts are bound as one. i think life with you would be the greatest adventure of treasure seeking i could imagine, but that's totally up to you. i just ask that you do try to imagine what's in store, and then make your heart known to me. thank you ali.

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  38. It is amazing the things one can find in a barren wilderness. It makes the world so much more interesting and so much more surreal. I look around and see people cry over so many meaningless things, and I wonder how is that possible with this great world we live in.

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  39. So many comments :-)
    that's natural, the topic is worthwhile.

    All i can say is ...
    You also are a pretty little gem for the world.
    :-D

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  42. it's beautiful when a ME and a TREE turns into a pine cone LOVE~ http://twitpic.com/3ld0zy

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  43. it seems appropriate for the day, to return here again- sharing another page of my heart, one year after "tree" was written on st. patrick's day, 2010. today, i share from the evergreen of a national forest, but my heart is lost in a dream. the immense beauty here is overwhelming, as is the thought of seeing the evergreen found in the eyes of LOVE.

    lost in a dream, found in your eyes

    this is evergreen
    all around me
    it flows from mountains
    trickling down to the bottom of my heart
    and from there i call
    from that secret place i sing
    won't you join me there, today
    i love you from the bottom of my heart
    it can never get more real than this, but i'm lost
    here in evergreen
    searching for the eyes that hide in the trees
    staring at me
    from every direction but the one right in front of my face
    and how i long to melt today
    like winter into spring
    how the rain falls from the clouds
    and how the mountains gather it in
    sending it streaming down my face
    straight to the bottom of me
    everyday that i'm alone
    lost in a dream
    this is the evergreen
    found in your eyes

    donroseonaski  3-17-11

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  44. my journey has been one of deep reflection, but also extreme loneliness, although i've been greatly inspired by the amazing beauty found in nature, probably in very much the same way as yourself~ but today, sitting here, back in LA again, i'm lost for words, and yet i write.

    so what am i doing here? at this point i'm unsure, actually. my heart has been emptied, for sure, and now it simply cries to see things clearly, of things that have felt hidden around every next corner. maybe i simply have to move on from whatever story has been written here? maybe so, but for now i don't plan to stay in LA, and have decided to move back to tulsa, as soon as possible, as i currently have found myself stuck here again, running on empty.

    my heart wants to express love, but only mutually, of course. yesterday, a few hours before arriving at where sunset meets the ocean, on the PCH, i opened an app to read a chapter in genesis, number 24. i began reading a newer translation recently, called the message, and it just so happened that this chapter was next- so i read.

    it describes how abraham's servant was sent to find a wife for his son, isaac. he prayed for a sign to know it would be God's choice, and it happened, just as he prayed. he then tells this to the woman, named rebekah, and to her family as well. the decision to leave with him was still in her hands though, and she did decide to go and become isaac's wife.

    i've read this story before, so i'm familiar with it, and it inspires me since it's very similar to what i've described here in my story, and the signs i've seen along the way. but all i can do, like the man did with rebekah, is to share what i've seen and heard, and to leave the rest in your hands.

    so, with my heart laid out as an open book, i'll share one verse that stuck out at me yesterday:

    "now, tell me what you are going to do. if you plan to respond with a generous yes, tell me. but if not, tell me plainly, so i can figure out what to do next." genesis 24:49

    something meant to be is only meant to be when people agree to see it that way, clearly, so that's what my heart seeks, and it already turned the next corner. if you're willing to turn with me, then do so with joy. but if not, my heart will still move on around this corner, and will find the perfect place to share love, but please offer the respect in responding either way.

    love is beautiful, and God's love is perfect, which is the love i want to share. maybe you don't see the same signs as me, which is fine~ but if by chance, you do, then i'd love your heart to be wholeheartedly mine.

    and now, with that said, i'll leave this book open in your hands, to read or close~ but no reply is really the same as a "no", so i hope to see your book open, for me to read clearly now too. for my heart has been spelled out in love, and that's all i can find left in there to say~ simply, i love you

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  45. it appears you have shipped my heart to sea, for me to begin writing a new chapter, of a new book~ and i'm sorry for the weight of my open book being forced into your hands, and for its pages to have been read to you so often as they were, for all they really are, are pieces of my broken heart, and as your heart softly speaks, all my heart can utter so quietly in reply is simply this~ as you wish

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  48. i can leave this with you~ the story of my broken heart, as read through the progress of an open-heart surgery. it is the real me, as i've shared all this time, trying to find a way to get to know the real you. i can't force you to read, or to join me on the operating table- all i can do is be transparent enough to be able to trust- and that's what i think i've done. my plan is to move on, but the hopes of tying these strings was a genuine call to love- which will happen for me, at exactly the right moment. my sincere hope and prayer is for you as well~

    the freedom to be heard and seen (an open-heart surgery)

    my story is being twisted and shaped, on worn out endless pages
    bound together in an open-heart surgery
    some strings are tied tightly, perfectly
    some were left dangling in the wind, waiting for redemption
    while others have yet to be found
    some treasures are buried in the ground
    seeds planted with a blueprint of choices
    unearthed at exactly the right moment
    to see love falling from the clouds as umbrellas with shovels disguised as handles
    to both protect and dig up newborn trust, spilling out as words written inside bottles of freshly poured ink
    speaking of promises to carry on, but not where we left off
    the only way to move forward is to see newfound roads open up
    paved by the steps of our own two feet
    that's what makes our dreams learn to sing
    it's what shelters and gives them the freedom to be heard and seen

    donroseonaski  3-30-11

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  49. i'll leave this story in your hands now~ if i'm a redbird calling, and you've heard my heart, and something in you connects with my story, then you can decide to come on, come out with me- i trust you'll find me~

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  50. my open heart surgery hasn't been an easy process- but when a heart is held, with gentle hands- love can be read on every page.

    book

    sometimes silence restrains love
    and other times it makes it grow
    but i want you to know
    that i offer my heart as your open book
    please read it with gentle hands
    in perfect anticipation
    and you'll find love waiting for you
    on every page

    looking carefully
    i see rain in your eyes
    do you mind getting caught for a moment with me
    we'll silence the world's questions
    and listen to the rain sing
    just a few short steps and outside, we're breathing
    rainclouds thundering
    but we couldn't be safer, here together
    our faces glowing, wet tangled hair dripping
    we'll jump high enough to reach the clouds
    to pull every last drop of rain out
    do all that we know to get caught in a stare
    and never let go

    donroseonaski 2-25-10

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  51. today, i sat in griffith park- just me and my thoughts, thinking about a story. our stories are the open book of who we are, of where we've been, and where we're going. may we never cease to share, and to read.

    open book

    i've never stood on the shore without knowing
    i've never stared out to sea without understanding, there's more than the mind can see
    i've never looked up to the clouds without seeing a sign of redemption
    my hope hides fadeless inside your pages of perfection
    write me perfectly into your story
    i will never cease to read

    donroseonaski  4-2-11

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  52. a photographic memory never forgets what is seen while jumping on sunbeam trampolines~

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  53. just so you know, and so you never forget, ever~ i am absolutely in love with my dreams~

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